I don't know where to start.  The producers of reality television think they have it figured out, nope.  Reality is much harder than anything you see on the small screen.  As a college student I dreamed of graduation, taking on the world (and my dreams) and you guessed it, making my own money.  But this week I've learned a lot comes with an adult paycheck and it's not in the form of Benjamins.

One of my first regular babysitting jobs was for Steve and Bonnie Brewster.  I had the privilege of caring for Abbie, Katie and Holt for an entire summer.  It was work, but the best kind.  We jammed to Britney Spears, went to the pool and I learned about Star Wars from Abbie.  She loved that creepy red and black-faced character.  I think she liked Brit as much as Katie too :)  I have lots of fun memories.  One time on the way to the car from the pool I had to carry all three of them.  I'm not sure who was where, but I had one kiddo on each hip and one on my back.  It was something like that?

One time at the snack bar I had a passer-by ask if I was Abbie, Katie and Holt's mom.  Some babysitters would have been offended, but to me it was a great compliment.  I thought to myself, "Wow.  These are great children and I hope I'm a mom like Bonnie one day."

I'm not sure if Bonnie knew (how I hope she did), but she was one of the first moms I placed in my role model file.  She loved Abbie, Katie and Holt (and I'm sure Jackson) with ALL of her heart.  Her face would light up when she walked in the door to relieve me.  Her bright smile only matched by those of her girls.  She had a faith in God she imparted to her family as well.  She loved the Lord.

I have been heartbroken all week after hearing the news of Bonnie's death.  I have found myself trying to think back to the last time I saw her.  I can't quite remember when it was and I hate it.  I can see her sweet smile and even hear her laugh.  I'm so thankful for that.

I don't know how to end this post.  I'm praying for those little ones (they'll always be little to me :)) and all of Bonnie's family and friends.  I want to always remember how dear Bonnie is to my heart and how she influenced my life as a mom.